How to write your online profile

Let’s face it, in today’s world it is almost ridiculous to talk about dating without talking about online dating.  The large majority of people I know, both male and female, are, or have been at some point, on an online dating service.  The difficulty with online dating is that people are much pickier than they would be in person.  I think of some of the men I’ve dated who I originally met at a bar or through friends and realistically,  if I saw their profile online I probably would have never been interested. They wouldn’t be good looking enough or tall enough for my online criteria- or their personalities that hooked me wouldn’t translate into a written self-decription.  That being said, they were great and I had so much fun dating them.   That’s why it is so imperative to have your profile really reflect the best version of yourself, and the best pictures (refer to What your profile picture says about you) so that you can get to the first date stage.  Think about how much women analyze every little (dating) situation- so just imagine how much we analyze your profile!

The key with writing a good profile is to stick to the basics and don’t be offensive.  Look, she is basing 75% of her decision on how you look.  So if after seeing your picture she still wants to read your profile, then all you have to do is not mess it up.  Yes, that’s great if you are witty and can put a funny story in there, but I have found that most of the men who have really funny, great profiles are usually a disappointment in person.  Bottom line: It’s OK if your profile is the same as every other guy- stating that you are laid-back, loyal, honest, family-oriented and love to travel (and yes, nearly every single profile I have read says those things).   No girl is going to find anything offensive about any of those things…well, assuming you say it in a normal, nice way.  An example of the wrong way to do it is the profile below.  The is a real profile, no joke!

His stats: 38, classically handsome, full head of brown hair, 5’10”.  Based on his picture, a catch. Then he felt the need to write this:

“I’m living like there is no tomorrow, because there isn’t one.

Happiness is freedom from fear. Leave yours behind and surrender to your senses.

I’m no stranger to beauty.

Highlights:

-Heart Breaker
-Race-car Driver
-SoHo & Scarsdale
-Wall St.
-Ivy League
-Deep voice
-Smell great
-Stiff stubble
-Sexy after dark

I’m handsome, dark, tough and mysterious.

Spring Travel:

Feb: Paris

March: Rio

May: Cap d’Antibes

May: Monaco Grand Prix

Music:

Pitbull
Adele
Miles Davis
Bruno Mars
B Tribe

Ps, if ur alarm clock is going off, I’m not in bed.”

Is that a fu*king joke? Honestly, any woman with an ounce of class and intelligence would think he sounds like an insecure d-bag. The only woman who would ever be attracted to a man who said this would be a trashy, gold digger. Now is that really who you are trying to meet? If so, follow the template above.  If not, then follow the simple rules below.

1. Don’t refer to your looks unless it is in a self-deprecating, funny way.  If you want to say that you look good in a suit, then post a picture of yourself in a suit- never write it in your profile.  Believe me, we can decide for ourselves if we find you attractive.  By mentioning it you will only sound superficial and self-obsessed or insecure.

2. don’t include cliche quotes or sayings, such as “living like there is no tomorrow.” Really, how many people really live like that?! And even if you are one of the .0001% of people that does, you should be smart enough to think of a more original way to say it.  Using cliche sayings makes you sound like a used car salesman – like you are trying to be smooth, but aren’t cool enough to pull it off. No woman will ever be turned on by that.

3. Don’t refer to sex! Yes, we get that sex is a huge part of dating, but we want to believe that the men online actually want to DATE us, not just sleep with us.  Therefore, even if you are online just to get laid, don’t ever admit it to a woman or make it obvious.

4. Use proper grammar! I get that not everybody is the best writer, especially when it comes to having to write about themselves- it’s nerve-wracking.  That being said, poor grammar, makes you look unintelligent or like a foreigner very quickly.  Have someone proof read your profile if needed, which leads to my last point…

5. always have a woman, whether it be your mother, sister, friend, or friend’s girlfriend read your profile prior to posting it.  I guarantee she will have a few pointers that will make you sound more appealing to the opposite sex.

If you need me to proof your profile, send a draft to kyleneilnyc@gmail.com.  I will not post your profile draft unless you allow me to do so.

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