Text me!!! How and When to Follow-up

Let me tell you, the 3 day rule is bullshit.  By the time the third day has rolled around we have already loved you, longed for you,  fought with you and gotten over you in our heads.  Yes, it is psycho, but every single woman does it. Every. Single. One.  After any good date we are on cloud nine imagining the possibility of you being the One, or simply someone who will temporarily amuse us and make us feel special for a little while.  Now granted, we don’t really like you since we still don’t really know you, but we are attracted to the attention and who we imagine you to be based on those few hours spent together. After a day or two the excitement slowly starts to wear off and we start to check our phones a bit more frequently, “When am I going to hear from him?” By day 3 we are going over everything that was said (and wasn’t said) on the date to explain why we haven’t heard from you yet. And by the end of day 3 we are annoyed and start to write you off.  Below is a play-by-play of how and when to follow up after a first, second and third date.

On the first date: If you really like a girl, ask her out again at the end of the first date.  Women are planners and we just want to know when it is we will see you again.  Be specific and agree upon a day to see each other next. Simply ask “When can I see you again?” and don’t settle for a vague response.  Don’t worry, she is never going to reject you to your face.  If she really isn’t into you, she will cancel over text, but if she had a decent time, she will most likely give you a second date simply because you asked.

30 minutes after the date: This is the most important follow up and yet the most overlooked. Text her once you get home from the date telling her you had fun and making sure she got home safely.  This will reassure her that you want to see her again and that you are a gentleman.

***the next morning: This is not a necessary follow-up and I do not recommend doing it often, but if you really like a woman, follow up the next day with a text stating “I made a reservation for X restaurant for 8pm on [agreed upon day].  Does that work for you?” She will be blown away that you took the initiative and will make her feel special.

A few days after your first date: depending on when your first date was this will either be at the end of the week (your first date was Tuesday) or Sunday evening (your first date was Thursday).  Simply text her asking how the rest of her week/weekend was.  This can create a little bit of a back and forth asking what she did and telling her what you did or have planned for the weekend.  Telling her parts of your schedule is a good way to create a closeness and make her feel secure (in other words, if you’re telling her what you did all week she is assuming you didn’t do it with another woman).

A day before the second date: text her to confirm your plans for the following night and tell her where you are going.  Women like to know in advance what the plan is so they have time to plan their outfit, etc. Believe me, we put in a lot of thought and prep work into every date, and that takes time.

Second date: Once again, if you are really into a girl, you should ask her out for a third date on the second date.  This doesn’t need to happen every date, but the key is to get to the third date because at that point it turns from you being the guy she went on that date with to a guy she is dating.  Therefore, lock down the third date at the end of the second date.  If you can, make the third date less than a week after the second.

Two days later: After the second date you should be texting every other day and should reference what you talked about on the dates.  Most likely she mentioned plans she had, or a movie she liked or even something you mentioned that you can reference.  For example, I went out with a man who talked about how he liked running in the park at night because it was too crowded during the day.  So a few days later, during the day, he texted a picture of the crowd running during the day followed by the text “see what I mean about the crowd.”  It was thoughtful and made me feel like I was sharing the experience with him.  In general, picture texts (of places or experiences, not yourself) are always meaningful and makes the text conversation more intimate.  On the flip-side, the follow-up text could be as simple as “how was dinner at X restaurant?” referencing plans she talked about having.

After date 3: Now after date three you really switch from going on dates to dating.  Most people are too busy to spend three dates with someone they are not truly interested in. After date three you should establish your communication pattern.  At this point a phone call can really seal the deal, but it could also sound forced and awkward.  It should be whatever you are most comfortable with, but it should be often- think daily- and should change from a keeping-in-touch approach to a more intimate, chit-chatty vibe.  For example, share stories about something that happened at work, or with your friends, and definitely share more about your schedule and what you are doing on a daily basis.

After having sex:  After a woman sleeps with a man she begins to panic a little. She thinks “Shoot, I hope he still likes me”, “I hope that changed things for the better, not worse”, “I hope he really wants to date me and wasn’t just interested in sex” or some variation.  Regardless of when you have sex with her, whether it be date 1 or date 10, you need to IMMEDIATELY plan the next date.  That means, before you let her leave your apartment, you schedule the date.  If it happens that you forget, then you need to follow-up with a text that same day.  So for example, say she slept over on a Friday night and left your apartment at 11am the following Saturday, at 4pm you should text her referencing something you spoke about and then say, “so what does the rest of your week look like?” Once she tells you, lock down a date…and if for some reason your schedules don’t workout, tell her that.  Simply say “ok, I’m not free those days, but I want to see you again, so next week?” You have no idea how much that will be appreciated! You must send a text the same day the sleepover ended!

Obviously, your communication depends on her participation and can vary greatly.  That being said, the above guideline is the minimum you should be reaching out to her – it also will make it easy for you and will keep her thinking about you in a positive way.


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