No, I’m not going to offer to pay…

and you shouldn’t expect me to.  We are on a fu*king date and you’re the man.

I know, you think I’m a bitch for saying that, but I’ll start by saying the confusion in dating and total lack of rules isn’t totally men’s fault.  Nobody (men and women alike) knows what the rules are anymore and therefore are left unsure of what they are supposed to do; trying their hardest to not step out of line or do something that could ruin their chances.  It’s like walking on eggshells when you first start dating someone- fearing that any comment or gesture could be misconstrued.  And women have set the bar so low- so of course you aren’t going to do more if you don’t have to.  But does being with someone who has no standards really make you feel good about yourself?! Now don’t get me wrong, the women’s liberation movement was a great thing and I am thankful for it, but with that, women started taking on new roles in all areas of life, including dating, and not all of them were completely favorable for women or men.  Bottom line, in dating, men want to feel manly and in charge, like the protector/provider, and women want to feel like ladies, they want to feel pursued, and people want to know what the expectations are.  The man paying for the date allows both parties to play their respective ideal roles.  And let’s face it, when she does “the reach” she doesn’t actually intend to pay and is only doing it out of obligation so you don’t think she is ungrateful. I mean, can’t she just say “thank you”? Below are some guidelines you should follow regarding paying on a date.

  • You should without question pay for the first three dates.  After that she can start paying for a few things here and there, but for the most part, you should assume that you are paying for everything.  Yes, it sucks and it’s expensive, but it’s an investment and you shouldn’t plan dates that are beyond your budget. Once you are in a relationship, discussions can be had and that balance might need to shift, but in dating you should pay.
  • When she offers to pay it is just to show her gratitude, so simply tell her no as soon as she starts to do “the reach.” It’s even better if you can get your credit card out before the check even comes and immediately hand it to the waiter when he brings the check- it will avoid the awkwardness all together.
  • If she insists on paying for dinner/the date, dump her immediately.  I know this sounds harsh, but by insisting to pay she is taking the upper-hand in the relationship and is revealing her controlling, dominant ways.  Either that, or she doesn’t think you can afford it.  Either way, it is a bad dynamic.
  • Never split the bill.  You are dating, you aren’t friends.
  • I said this in the first point, but I really mean it, don’t feel like you have to have one expensive date after an other.  Believe me, if she likes you even a little she won’t care.  I would recommend you planning to spend the most on date #2 or 3, but don’t look to spend a lot on a first date.
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