Women take their birthdays very seriously- therefore you should too!!

Let’s face it, past a certain age everyone feels a little “prickly” about their birthday – it makes you stop and reflect on what you have accomplished in the last year and whether your life is where you envisioned it being at that age. That being said, they are still joyous days- and for women it is the perfect excuse to get what we love the absolute most- ATTENTION! As complicated as we women can make things, we are actually very simple: we want to be adored and fussed over and told how beautiful we are.  That’s it.  Yes, the expectations will vary depending on the woman and depending on how long you have dated, but at the bare minimum- you need to make a big deal of it by wishing her a happy birthday and acknowledging it is her birthday- probably more than once throughout the day…and the next day.  On her birthday, fuss over her a lot and give her a lot of attention-  it will go a long way!


Bow Ties

If you aren’t at a black tie event and you are wearing a bow tie, you are most likely either a pretentious asshole or a fabulous gay man. Either way, no woman will want to sleep with you.

Source: WSJ.com


Please send any questions you want answered, stories you want to share or topics you want covered to kyleneilnyc@gmail.com.  Also, I would love to hear any date recaps you would like to share- I will be happy to post it and provide my commentary.

Women, please let me know the most fun date you have been on.  Be specific.

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rough sex

“He spanks me and tells me I’m beautiful, what more could I want!”

According to OK Trends, regardless of age, less than 20% of women enjoy having rough sex.  Now I’m not sure who was polled for this statistic, but I have NEVER in my life met a woman who doesn’t like rough sex.  Never. Ever. Ever! Even the most virginal of women I know, like it rough.  Maybe not every time, but probably every 5th time (haha kidding- frequency will vary depending on the person). If you want to test if your partner likes it rough, start by giving her a little spank and just use a tighter grip when grabbing her, then based on her reaction, go from there.

Source: Ellen Von Unwerth


I once forwarded my friend a picture of a guy from match.com, who had reached out to me.  I was excited about this guy and wrote “I’m excited- a hot, normal guy.”  His profile picture was of him on a boat wearing a T-shirt, hat and sunglasses.  My friend simply wrote back:

“Hat = bald

Sunglasses = wrinkled

Chest up  = short

Let’s not jump to conclusions….”

Yes, sadly this is how many (not all) women think.  I never ended up meeting this guy, but based on his other pictures I would be willing to bet good money that he was neither short, wrinkled or bald.  That being said, it doesn’t matter, since it’s all about perception.  On any online dating site, your picture is the most important aspect of your profile. Both women and men see a person’s profile and immediately create an image of who they think that person is…

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No, I’m not going to offer to pay…

and you shouldn’t expect me to.  We are on a fu*king date and you’re the man.

I know, you think I’m a bitch for saying that, but I’ll start by saying the confusion in dating and total lack of rules isn’t totally men’s fault.  Nobody (men and women alike) knows what the rules are anymore and therefore are left unsure of what they are supposed to do; trying their hardest to not step out of line or do something that could ruin their chances.  It’s like walking on eggshells when you first start dating someone- fearing that any comment or gesture could be misconstrued.  And women have set the bar so low- so of course you aren’t going to do more if you don’t have to.  But does being with someone who has no standards really make you feel good about yourself?! Now don’t get me wrong, the women’s liberation movement was a great thing and I am thankful for it, but with that, women started taking on new roles in all areas of life, including dating, and not all of them were completely favorable for women or men.  Bottom line, in dating, men want to feel manly and in charge, like the protector/provider, and women want to feel like ladies, they want to feel pursued, and people want to know what the expectations are.  The man paying for the date allows both parties to play their respective ideal roles.  And let’s face it, when she does “the reach” she doesn’t actually intend to pay and is only doing it out of obligation so you don’t think she is ungrateful. I mean, can’t she just say “thank you”? Below are some guidelines you should follow regarding paying on a date.

  • You should without question pay for the first three dates.  After that she can start paying for a few things here and there, but for the most part, you should assume that you are paying for everything.  Yes, it sucks and it’s expensive, but it’s an investment and you shouldn’t plan dates that are beyond your budget. Once you are in a relationship, discussions can be had and that balance might need to shift, but in dating you should pay.
  • When she offers to pay it is just to show her gratitude, so simply tell her no as soon as she starts to do “the reach.” It’s even better if you can get your credit card out before the check even comes and immediately hand it to the waiter when he brings the check- it will avoid the awkwardness all together.
  • If she insists on paying for dinner/the date, dump her immediately.  I know this sounds harsh, but by insisting to pay she is taking the upper-hand in the relationship and is revealing her controlling, dominant ways.  Either that, or she doesn’t think you can afford it.  Either way, it is a bad dynamic.
  • Never split the bill.  You are dating, you aren’t friends.
  • I said this in the first point, but I really mean it, don’t feel like you have to have one expensive date after an other.  Believe me, if she likes you even a little she won’t care.  I would recommend you planning to spend the most on date #2 or 3, but don’t look to spend a lot on a first date.

Text me!!! How and When to Follow-up

Let me tell you, the 3 day rule is bullshit.  By the time the third day has rolled around we have already loved you, longed for you,  fought with you and gotten over you in our heads.  Yes, it is psycho, but every single woman does it. Every. Single. One.  After any good date we are on cloud nine imagining the possibility of you being the One, or simply someone who will temporarily amuse us and make us feel special for a little while.  Now granted, we don’t really like you since we still don’t really know you, but we are attracted to the attention and who we imagine you to be based on those few hours spent together. After a day or two the excitement slowly starts to wear off and we start to check our phones a bit more frequently, “When am I going to hear from him?” By day 3 we are going over everything that was said (and wasn’t said) on the date to explain why we haven’t heard from you yet. And by the end of day 3 we are annoyed and start to write you off.  Below is a play-by-play of how and when to follow up after a first, second and third date.

On the first date: If you really like a girl, ask her out again at the end of the first date.  Women are planners and we just want to know when it is we will see you again.  Be specific and agree upon a day to see each other next. Simply ask “When can I see you again?” and don’t settle for a vague response.  Don’t worry, she is never going to reject you to your face.  If she really isn’t into you, she will cancel over text, but if she had a decent time, she will most likely give you a second date simply because you asked.

30 minutes after the date: This is the most important follow up and yet the most overlooked. Text her once you get home from the date telling her you had fun and making sure she got home safely.  This will reassure her that you want to see her again and that you are a gentleman.

***the next morning: This is not a necessary follow-up and I do not recommend doing it often, but if you really like a woman, follow up the next day with a text stating “I made a reservation for X restaurant for 8pm on [agreed upon day].  Does that work for you?” She will be blown away that you took the initiative and will make her feel special.

A few days after your first date: depending on when your first date was this will either be at the end of the week (your first date was Tuesday) or Sunday evening (your first date was Thursday).  Simply text her asking how the rest of her week/weekend was.  This can create a little bit of a back and forth asking what she did and telling her what you did or have planned for the weekend.  Telling her parts of your schedule is a good way to create a closeness and make her feel secure (in other words, if you’re telling her what you did all week she is assuming you didn’t do it with another woman).

A day before the second date: text her to confirm your plans for the following night and tell her where you are going.  Women like to know in advance what the plan is so they have time to plan their outfit, etc. Believe me, we put in a lot of thought and prep work into every date, and that takes time.

Second date: Once again, if you are really into a girl, you should ask her out for a third date on the second date.  This doesn’t need to happen every date, but the key is to get to the third date because at that point it turns from you being the guy she went on that date with to a guy she is dating.  Therefore, lock down the third date at the end of the second date.  If you can, make the third date less than a week after the second.

Two days later: After the second date you should be texting every other day and should reference what you talked about on the dates.  Most likely she mentioned plans she had, or a movie she liked or even something you mentioned that you can reference.  For example, I went out with a man who talked about how he liked running in the park at night because it was too crowded during the day.  So a few days later, during the day, he texted a picture of the crowd running during the day followed by the text “see what I mean about the crowd.”  It was thoughtful and made me feel like I was sharing the experience with him.  In general, picture texts (of places or experiences, not yourself) are always meaningful and makes the text conversation more intimate.  On the flip-side, the follow-up text could be as simple as “how was dinner at X restaurant?” referencing plans she talked about having.

After date 3: Now after date three you really switch from going on dates to dating.  Most people are too busy to spend three dates with someone they are not truly interested in. After date three you should establish your communication pattern.  At this point a phone call can really seal the deal, but it could also sound forced and awkward.  It should be whatever you are most comfortable with, but it should be often- think daily- and should change from a keeping-in-touch approach to a more intimate, chit-chatty vibe.  For example, share stories about something that happened at work, or with your friends, and definitely share more about your schedule and what you are doing on a daily basis.

After having sex:  After a woman sleeps with a man she begins to panic a little. She thinks “Shoot, I hope he still likes me”, “I hope that changed things for the better, not worse”, “I hope he really wants to date me and wasn’t just interested in sex” or some variation.  Regardless of when you have sex with her, whether it be date 1 or date 10, you need to IMMEDIATELY plan the next date.  That means, before you let her leave your apartment, you schedule the date.  If it happens that you forget, then you need to follow-up with a text that same day.  So for example, say she slept over on a Friday night and left your apartment at 11am the following Saturday, at 4pm you should text her referencing something you spoke about and then say, “so what does the rest of your week look like?” Once she tells you, lock down a date…and if for some reason your schedules don’t workout, tell her that.  Simply say “ok, I’m not free those days, but I want to see you again, so next week?” You have no idea how much that will be appreciated! You must send a text the same day the sleepover ended!

Obviously, your communication depends on her participation and can vary greatly.  That being said, the above guideline is the minimum you should be reaching out to her – it also will make it easy for you and will keep her thinking about you in a positive way.

Overheard while out to eat (at a nice restaurant)

While out to dinner, there were two men sitting at the table next to us who appeared to be father and son. They were well-dressed and approximately 80 and 60 years of age, respectively. The older gentleman said straight-faced “he discovered he had crabs in his eyebrows.” Now I’m not sure how one gets crabs in such a location, but I’m thinking that whatever it was left him with a fishy taste in his mouth. Ha

Yes, she’s crazy

I believe every woman is crazy at least once in her life, usually with a certain man, but there are other woman who are just truly CRAZY. The woman below is batshit crazy.  My guy friend met her online and asked her to meet up for drinks to which she said yes and gave him her phone number.  This was the text conversation taken from his phone.


Kevin: Hi Sarah, it’s Kevin (names changed for purposes of this post). glad to hear Thursday works for you.  Is there a specific area you would like to meet? What type of bars do you like?

Sarah: on the UWS near 70th and Columbus.  Someplace like Bin 71.

Kevin: Ok, well then why don’t we just meet at Bin 71.  8pm?

Sarah: No, I didn’t mean we should actually go to Bin.  Just someplace like it.  (mind you the address she gave is 1 block from where Bin is located)

Kevin: um ok, well I don’t really know the UWS so I’ll look some places up.

a few hours later:

Sarah: Hey, really sorry, but I totally forgot I already had plans Thursday, so I have to postpone.

Kevin: No worries.  Next week then

Sarah: Ok thanks.


Sarah: Hey, my plans actually fell through for tomorrow night so let’s still meet up.

Kevin: Hey, sorry, I already made other plans since you said you couldn’t meet.  Let’s meet next week

Sarah: well I have dates every night next week, so I can’t. (Who says that!!!!)

Kevin: Ok, well then I guess the following week.


Sarah: So what’s the plan for tonight?

Kevin: ??

Sarah: I figured you would want to meet tonight since I am busy all next week

Kevin: No sorry, I told you I have plans.

Sunday morning:

Sarah: I met someone last night and he is great and I didn’t have to go through Match to meet him. so I won’t be going out with you now.  (does she really think a one-night stand will turn into a relationship!)

Kevin: Congrats.  Best of luck to you.

One week later:

Sarah: Want to grab a drink?

No response.